[ILUG] bad moods...

[kevin lyda]

liam mentioned melissa put him in a bad mood.  dublin bus does this to
me frequently.  tangentially related, but i'm a tangential kind of guy
(though i like oranges too, oh never mind).  sent this to the irish times
after a particularly quick scamper across the road to my bus this morning.
it amused me to write it, so maybe it'll amuse anyone else who uses the
dublin bus service.  (i know, i'm stretching the word service a lot here,
i'm trying to be nice...)

------- Blind-Carbon-Copy

To: lettersed at irish-times.com
Subject: Daydream Believer
X-Mailer: mh 6.8
X-Platform: DEC Alpha Linux 2.0.30
Date: Mon, 29 Mar 1999 15:16:29 +0100
From: kevin lyda <kevin at suberic.net>


Dear Editor,

I'm a Pisces and true to my sign I like to dream.  As I wait for the bus
in the mornings and evenings I daydream.  Like I have daydreams about
my job as the Dublin Bus Commissioner.  It's a simple dream...

Within a week I get a usable map up on the newly unveiled www.dublinbus.ie
web site (with a note reminding people to print and distribute at will).
That's all it has, but thousands of people overwhelm the Irish Times
letters to the Editor with thank you notes.  A week after that the printed
map is made available and the 50,000 maps are distributed evenly between
morning and evening bus runs.  All are picked up.  After that the maps on
the bus shells show up and the public responds with screaming adoration.
Bus drivers report marriage proposals.

At the same time I go to each bus stop and note the surrounding
intersections.  This is a slower process since I have to call ambulances
for all the people I see being knocked down as they scamper across
unsignalled intersections to get to their bus stops.  But within a month
I have a list of intersections (271 pages long) that need pedestrian
signalling.  This is a dream, so whatever authorities responsible
gleefully install them within a month.  Lawyers respond with hate mail.

As my term goes on, I look into adding and extending routes to go all
the way through various business parks.  I look around the city looking
for clogged sidewalks filled with herds of people (i.e. along the Grand
Canal) and wonder to myself, "gee, maybe a bus could run along here..."
Car dealers and insurance companies start a campaign to oust me.

I sit down and have a look at bus schedules.  As I look over them a sudden
realisation hits me - there should be an equal number of buses in the
morning and evening.  After all, the service is better now, those 5 bus
loads of people we took to work might just want to come back home with us.
Philosophy professors, their obscure life of logic suddenly made public,
angrily protest my position.

My final act before being fired in scandal is to institute a policy of
allowing people to purchase bus passes by net or by phone and to have
the passes mailed to them monthly.  News agents join the growing mob
that almost slaughter me as I'm dragged from the office.

Finally after three months of hiding and plastic surgery I anonymously
step outside, cross the street at a walk signal without fear of being
mowed down, go to the bus stop, check the easy to read map, and happily
get on the correct bus.  I even recommend it to visitors without
apologising profusely.

Like I said, it's a simple dream.  In the meantime I'll just keep
daydreaming.  Why just yesterday I had a dream that I went to a bank at
6pm and they were open...

Kevin Lyda
13 Athlumney Villas
Ranelagh
Dublin 6
01.496.7808

------- End of Blind-Carbon-Copy