[ILUG] You're no longer a student when....

[Aaron McDaid]

OT but IMHO funny,

I don't know if the university education thread is still going 
(still trying to get through all my emails i got over the weekend)
but to elaborate on my advice that you're just as well not bothering
with lectures if you already have a clue about computers(for
first 2 years anyway):-)
I was shocked how true these are! Comments by me (Aaron) are in []'s

You're no longer a student when...

1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep 
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd. [Although I had 2 single
       beds in my room which were pushed together when necessary - 
       and separated if I had male visitors (mates too pissed to walk home)]
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with
lesbian tendancies are replaced by fantasies of having
sex with anyone at all. 
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
    [I inquired about selling the rights to my body for research
     when I'm dead!]
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house. 
7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work. 
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy. [+ Jerry Springer]
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more. [ Just got
another
     one last week!]
10.You carry an umbrella. 
11.Seven-day benders are no longer realistic. 
12.You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends. 
13.You have standing orders and direct debits. 
14.The heating works in your house. 
15.Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together
and break- up.
16.You pay the government thousands of pounds every year. 
17.You go from 130 days of holidays to 20. 
18.Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. 
19.You're the one calling the police because those damn kids
next door won't turn down the stereo. [I hope I never do that,
  I want to be a student-type forever]
20.You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining. [I my case it's
  more like a case of "You get out of bed in the morning"! pre 2pm wakeups
  were rare for me in uni]
21.Washing up is not an annual ritual. [Still can't get the hang of it after
  7 months as a coop]
22.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 
23.You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore. 
24.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 
25.You feed 
your dog Pal instead of McDonalds. 
26.You don't get ideas 
for drinks from local tramps. 
27.You don't put half-finished 
curries in the fridge to eat later. 
28.You don't spend half 
your day strategically planning pub crawls. 
29.You "hate scrounging students". 
30.You no longer have a strange 
attraction to road signs when drunk. 
31.Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no. 
32.You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'. [ I done this
before my
HTML exam because I knew HTML quite well before university. However I
discovered
that hand eye coordination after 70cl of vodka and 5 pints of guinness isn't
too
good. Even though I wasn't too drunk I hadn't tried writing when pissed
before.
Anyway, failed it even though I was able to come up with good answers but
just
couldn't keep the pen on the page.
Moral of the story - Stop drinking at least 1 hour before an exam]
33.You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub. [And Mondays and
Fridays. This
hectic schedule meant we had to sneak cans in the save money]
34.You always know where you are when you wake up. 
35.You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. [v.true but Jerry Springer
was 2-3pm]
36.A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh. [We burned our couch when it got a
bit cold]
37.You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy
test kits. 
38.A #3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'. 
    [Buckfast gets you f**ed fast]   :-) :-) :-) :-)]
39.You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to. [I've even
started remembering surnames!]
40.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. [v.v.true with me
more than
   anyone I knew]
41.You don't have mice living in your kitchen. 
42.Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager. 
43.You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka. 
44.You have hoovered. 
45.Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone. 
46.'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to 
drink that much again'. 
47.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 
48.You don't experiment with banned substances. 
49.You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub. 
50.You dont find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
[I'll admit
to having stopped laughing at dumps left outside the toilet !:-)  ]