[ILUG] Messy penguin

[Ronan Cunniffe]

On Sun, 16 Sep 2001, Niall O Broin wrote:

> In the spirit of Tux, I thought some of you might appreciate this.
>
> <snipped to taste>
> A vacationing penguin.... driving through arizona.... oil-leak....
ice-cream.... no hands ->makes a mess.... looks like you've blown a seal

All that, *just* so that you could deliver the double-entendre that was
thought up before the joke.... ;-)

Right, let's see if I can do any better.  If I can't, don't blame me, I
didn't make this one up....

A couple go out for dinner at an exclusive seafood restaurant.  They are
greeted by the maitre d' and seated at a table for two.  They decide on
squid for their main course, but shortly after their order goes back to
the kitchen, some kind of commotion happens in there and the maitre d',
annoyed, goes in to sort it out.

"Gervase, what's the problem?"
The chef points a trembling finger at the aquarium tank which has the
squid in it, still alive and watching them carefully. "Every time I..."

He reaches out towards the squid, which immediately emits a mild
but clearly audible squeal of panic.  It's more of a scream, almost human
in tone, and Gervase can't make himself pick it up. "I can't....  You
can't expect me to...."

He breaks down in tears, puts the knife down on the table out of his
shaking hand.  The maitre d' has never heard of a squid that can make
noises before, and has a closer look at it.  The squid looks right back.
It appears normal to the maitre d's eye, except for what looks like a
hairy patch above it's lip, which he's never seen before.  Odd.

But that's academic.  That squid is on the menu, and it's going to be on a
plate.  He looks around.  Gervase is sitting with his head in his hands.

"Hans! Come over here a moment!"

The big guy comes over, washing the suds from his arms.  Foreign student,
hired as a dishwasher, built like a tree, and *he* won't faint away
from...

But the same thing happens.  A single soft plaintive scream from the squid
and Hans can't bring himself to touch it.  The maitre d' swears under his
breath, but after three attempts, and Hans almost in tears, he storms out
of the kitchen to inform his diners that squid is definitely off the menu.

And the moral of the story?

Hans that do dishes can be soft as Gervase with mild scream hairy-lipped
squid.

:-)

Ronan C.