BBC World Cup Guidelines for Commentary Team.
1 - Within 1 minute of kick off in the opening match (France v Senegal),
the
commentator must mention England.
2 - Regardless of what two teams are contesting the final, England have
to be
mentioned within the first minute.
3 - The commentator shall refer to the Falkland Isles in passing at some
point during the England v Argentina match.
4 - Whenever a hat trick is scored, comparisons with Geoff Hurst will be
made
within seconds of the third goal hitting the net.
5 - Should England wear their red jerseys, then '1966' should be
mentioned
approximately 20 times.
6 - 1966 will be mentioned approximately 10 times a match, or only on 4
or 5
occasions for matches not involving England.
7 - Prior to the captain of the winning team lifting the trophy, the
commentator will mention Bobby Moore. And 1966.
8 - When Germany are playing, they must be referred to as being arrogant
by
the commentator on at least 14 occasions. This must refer to their
style,
their
passing, their haircuts and their general footballing ability..
Reference
must continually be given to the recent 5 - 1 thrashing dished out by
England.
9 - Should England play Germany, mentions of Winston Churchill,
Dambusters,
The Luftwaffe and Adolf Hitler will be compulsory. And 1966.
10 - All Scottish members of our commentary team must continue to refer
to
England as "we" and "us".
11 - We must ensure that nationalistic stereotypes are adhered to. Of
course,
the Germans are arrogant. The Spanish are bottlers, The Nigerians are
fast
but bad
at defending, The Cameroonians are disorganised, The Argentinians are
cheats
and the French are only good (?) because their best players play in
England.
12 - For matches not involving England, we must only discuss the players
that
are playing in England. (e.g. - Sweden v Nigeria should be referred to
as
Ljunberg v
Kanu).
13 - The mythical "bulldog spirit" phrase should be used as often as
possible.
14 - Each match involving England should begin with the phrase "England
Expects."
15 - Should any player be involved in an injury that involves the loss
of
teeth, then references to Nobby Stiles and 1966 are compulsory.
16 - If in doubt, mention 1966.
17 - Praise all of the stunning new stadiums in Japan and Korea, but
emphasise that they lack the presence of Wembley, the spiritual home of
football since 1966.
18 - Commentators should feel free to imitate the style of Kenneth
Wolstenholme, the hero of 1966.
19 - Should any team feature brothers playing together, then Jackie and
Bobby
Charlton should be mentioned.
20 - When England bow out after the first stage, we must emphasise that
it is
a massive blow to football and a serious loss to the World Cup.
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